The Real Actor

Here we are again. It’s just you and me. Maybe I got something to say. Maybe I don’t. Maybe i’ll listen. For once. Maybe. No promises. Im sorry. I can’t promise something I can’t or will not do. If there is nothing left to believe in the world, I believe a man can still have his word mean something. May these words mean something to you.

Are you ready for this? Words are just, words. They mean something until they mean, absolutely nothing. Words. We choose them. We process them. We filter them. We say them. We write them. But until we in fact apply them, they mean nothing. My advice is; Choose your words wisely. Your words become you. If you think and say bad you will be and do bad. That’s why you hear all these murderers say they “heard a voice” telling them to do bad things. If you listen to the bad, things are probably not gonna go so well. So a positive mindset is a must so ive come to find.

A word ive been fiddling with for a past few weeks is; Abundance. Whenever im thinking too much about something I say the word “Abundance” and try to see abundance. Whenever I want something I think I need, I start thinking about the word “abundance” and realize I don’t really “need” the thing I want. I just perhaps maybe want it. Power of words. Ive been using them for others all my life. Now im gonna start using it for myself this time.

So. Lately i’ve started thinking about murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and thieves. Probably cause i’ve been watching Sherlock lately. But no, not because of that. Though it’s a good show. Anyway the thing I thought about was; All these rapists, murderers, thieves do all these horrible, terrible things and yet they are roaming this world probably happier than you and me. They do all these horrible things to people and the world yet pay no price for it subconsciously. Do you often ask yourself if you’re a good or a bad person? I do. Just to keep it real. For a long time I thought I was the bad guy. I lived, like the bad guy. Only to look around and see all the fake, evil, superficial, dishonest, disloyal, horrible people and criminals who roam this world care free.

I look in the mirror and here’s lil’ ol’ me, thinking; I’m the bad guy. NO! I am not the bad guy. Hell i’m no Angel. But I know there’s way way worse people than I am in every single possible way. To those people I pray for justice that in the end they will get what they deserve. Whatever you may believe in, I hope there is some form of justice in the end of all this. Maybe there isn’t who knows. Cause let me tell you a secret. I’ve lost faith. Sad but true. I’ve lost faith in the world. I’ve lost faith in people. I’ve lost faith in God. I’ve lost faith in me. I lost faith in love. I lost faith in stupid people. One would argue I was dumb to have faith in any form of stupidity in the first place. So is life. It’s a bicycle. You fall off, you get back on. Cause you cant just fall off and stay down. You’re in the middle of nowhere. Figuratively speaking. You gotta wrap your wounds and get back on.

Im no longer a strong believer. But I saw a really wonderful video of Sir Anthony Hopkins yesterday. If you don’t know him look him up. He said; “Believe. Even if you don’t believe, pretend like you believe. Because that is the power of acting. It worked for me, believe you me it will work for you. Take it from an old man like me. So Believe, Believe, Believe!” I thought that was really powerful. Because i’m an Actor. I may not have a theater stage or an Alexa lens looking at me but i’m an artist of emotions. I make you believe. Because in that very moment, I believe. And if I didn’t believe, you can never believe me. So one must first believe in themself. Only then perhaps you can exude that belief into the world and others. I may not have had the chance to act on screen or stage anymore. But I can sure incorporate acting into my day to day life. Pretend like I believe. Just Act.


  1. İnancınızı yitirmeyin hayatta hiç birşey tesaduf değil başımıza gelen hiç birşey hemde. Sadece bizim bilmedigimiz çok şey var hayatta. Herşeyde bir sır var. Ama bulanlar arayanlardir her arayan bulamasada. Samimi olmak gerekiyor belkide bu arayış yolunda. Umarım bulursunuz..

  2. You said “Maybe i’ll listen. For once. Maybe. No promises.”
    I think there is a need for us to have a sophisticated conversation and I’m sure you’ll listen to me very carefully. I don’t care you’re this or that. I’ll leave my instagram here it’s not a fake account. I’m not a coward. I’m sure you’ll get in contact with me. Even if you won’t, we’ll come across one day. Soooooo, detrimentalideefixe is my instagram account.

  3. I see myself in what you write. It’s nice to find someone who understands me and feels like me. At the same time, I am very sad because you were the man who once made me believe that certain concepts are real. Now, your loss of faith in those concepts shakes my faith as well. I am sad, very much. But I understand you, I want you to know that on a night when you feel sad and lonely, somewhere in a city in Turkey, a 21 year-old girl understands you and is by your side. Goodbye West 🖤

  4. kötü biri olduğunu düşünmüyorum. ben içindeki, o kalbindeki iyiliği ve saflığı görüyorum. “dünya hassas kalpler için cehennemdir” sözünün aslı sensin. hassas kalp, iyi kalptir. hassas olmak ‘iyi’ olmak demektir. seninle sohbet etmek isterdim tamamen dostça. kelimeleri senin kadar iyi kullanamıyorum biliyorum. ama varlığından bile haberdar olmadığın biri olarak seni görüyorum, kalbini görüyorum. sen iyi birisin eser, bu iyiliğin sana acı verse de devam etmek zorundasın. “biz üzüldük diye dünya durup bize yol vermeyecek” kalbimizdeki yaraları saracak, devam edeceğiz. seni kendime yakın hissediyorum belki yazımın bir kelimesine gülümsersin ve bu beni mutlu eder. hep mutlu olman dileğiyle. belki bir gün, bir yerde bir kahve içerken seninle dostça sohbet ederiz. kim bilir?

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