I thought i could write something, but i’ve been staring at this blank page for half an hour. Truth is there is so much on my chest that I wanna get out, but I don’t know where to begin. Since most of you know me from the show, i’ll start with that; i’m bored. Bored and tired. I feel like a bird trapped in a cage, with chains wrapped around my feet. My soul is prisoned.
I’ve been depressed. I’ve been stressing. At one point all I wanted to do was go somewhere no body could find me. Where nobody could reach me. Somewhere nobody knows me. But I couldnt run away. For the first time in my life I chose to stay and fight. Stay and face my problems. Stay and finish what I started.
The turning point is in our weakest moments. It’s what defines us. It’s what defines our destiny. I chose to be even stronger in my moment of weakness. EVEN STRONGER!
Lately i’ve been having minor health problems. Doctors say it’s because of stress. It’s true i’ve been stressing and feeling unhappy.
But losing my health was a turning point for me. I got back to the mindset that made me who I am. That nothing is more important than health. Because if you lose your health, you lose everything.
So I started taking more of a positive approach towards life. I accepted and made peace with the fact that this was my life right now. (for now)
I also made a conscious choice. I chose to stay, to be strong, to fight and finish this shit. I could have ran away. But that would have left me with regrets. Regrets I never want to have.
So here I am being “strong”. Being patient, and taking everyday day by day. Truth is there’s not too long to go. I don’t care about “winning”, because to me I have already won. I just wanna get the hell out and live own God damn life. I don’t know what awaits me after this. Traveling definitely. But as to where I wanna be and what I wanna do, for now all i am sure of is who I wanna be with. I don’t know if I will be able to go back to teaching. I don’t think that’s possible after all this fame. Not in Turkey anyway.
Anyway i’m not thinking that far ahead. Right now i’m mentally focused on finishing this show. Then, I will clear my head in the Amazons of Ecuador with Cansel. We’re thinking about shooting a documentary of the Amazonia and Ecuador in general. I will tell you the story of the AYAHUASCA. It changed my life, maybe it will change yours. Just get a couple of cameras and take everybody with us. I’m excited about the times ahead. But whatever happens I know that there is nothing more important than health. Try not to stress the little things in life. It cost me my health and it will cost you yours. Try to be more thankful and stay connected with God. You will get the healing you need through faith. So now if you are healthy, please smile and be thankful.