I’m on a pilgrimage. I seek to find something beyond what humanity is told to believe. I’m in search of answers to questions most people would fear to even ask. A 36 hour trip from New York to the Amazons of Ecuador. Alone and fearless i’m on a journey into the unknown to find myself. A path not many have taken before me and only a few would dare to take. This, is my road to Ayahuasca.

I was first told about Ayahuasca by a good friend of mine. As he spoke of it’s enlightening affects I couldn’t’t but help sit there and wonder what this magic plant was all about. Only found in the Amazon, Ayahuasca is a brew of plants boiled in water. The plants main ingredient is DMT. For those who don’t know, DMT is a chemical found in your body. It’s released when we are sleeping, thus we dream. So imagine injecting DMT into your bloodstream and brain while you are awake. The brew of the Ayahuasca plant is taken orally. It’s disgustingly unbearable. But this is not why people throw up within the hour of drinking it. I will get into that in a moment. But first i’d like to tell you about the circumstances of which people take this gift to humanity.

I set off into the jungle of the Amazons. The way to Ayahuasca starts with the Shaman. The Shaman is an enlightened individual with a broad knowledge of the plant and the jungle. Luckily I met the right Shaman to guide me on my journey. After setting foot in the wild, we waited for darkness to fall. Some people may think this is just another reason to trip or get high to have a good time. I can understand why people may think that, but Ayahuasca is not something fun. It’s not a joke either. Coming face to face with whatever demons or evil haunts your soul is not your usual night out smoking pot or taking cocaine. This is far beyond anything i’ve ever done or tried.

Darkness fell, and the Shaman poured me half a cup of the unbearable brown brew. I had a red paint from a certain plant drawn on my face. It’s believed that the color red keeps the evil spirits away. I took my cup and set out to the woods. My Shaman, I and a friend drank the same amount of Ayahuasca. Within 40 minutes they both started throwing up. Ayahuasca is supposed to make you regurgitate. Not because of it’s dreadful taste, but to clean the body from all toxins and poison. When you puke, you release all bad entities within your body. We had’t eaten for 24 hours, yet still we threw up a significant amount. So there I was watching them throw up like an ox who just had bad guacamole. As I sat there waiting for my turn, I watched my friend Carlos crawling and roaring like a jungle cat. They were tripping out of their minds. Yet I was still sat there waiting for the same dose to hit me. Wondering about what in the fuck is going on in their minds. At one point while Carlos was crawling like a jungle cat, I was afraid he would see me as a demon or bad spirit and attack me. I slowly got away from him and went next to the Shaman who was also tripping. I asked why it hadn’t’t done anything to me yet. He said that I was a big boy and maybe it would take a little longer to kick in. If you don’t feel anything in 30 minutes you can take another dose, he said. Time went by without me throwing up or feeling anything. So I went for another dose. I waited and waited. Nothing. The Shaman was in disbelief. I was getting anxious, so I stood up, leaned over and made myself throw up. I’be never thrown up so much in my entire life. Ayahuasca usually hits after the poison and toxins exit the body through regurgitation. That first night I felt, saw, heard nothing.

In the morning we spoke of the night before and about what they saw and felt. Carlos said he saw a very tall man with a big sword standing behind me, wearing a dark hoodie. As if he was protecting me from something. He actually told me that while he was on Ayahuasca the night before. He just mentioned it again in the morning. I wanted to meet the “protector” he was telling me about. I wasn’t’t upset or discouraged at all. I knew the Ayahuasca would eventually get through to me. I believed in the power of the plant and the Shamans words.

Darkness fell once again upon the jungle. The Shaman this time doubled my dose and gave me an entire cup of Ayahuasca. I drank it and set off into the woods. I sat there waiting for the Ayahuasca to kick in. After an hour of feeling nothing, I stood up in a “What the FUCK” kind of mood. I took a few steps and threw up an entire ocean. That night the shaman did not take Ayahuasca in the sense of keeping me safe and under control. As he saw me throw up, he understood why I didn’t’t feel anything the night before. You have too much poison and toxins in your body, he said. It’s probably the accumulation of all the drugs i’be taken throughout the years. I felt so sick. I sat back down and the Shaman said, “You’re not dying. You are throwing up. Death is only in your mind.” He repeated the words “no fear”. I reassured him that I was not afraid. No matter what you see, hear or feel, always remember that it’s all in the power of your mind, he said.

Within minutes of me throwing up the Ayahuasca had kicked in and I started my journey into something you can never understand. I will not get into what I saw, heard or felt. Everyone’s experience is different. All I can say there are other frequencies out there. I wanna assure everyone that there is something bigger and there is a higher power. Your spirit will pass on to something. Everything is connected and everything in the universe bases itself on energy. You will not understand these words until you are there, one with the universe and connected to that higher power. My soul left my body and I saw, understood and felt things beyond any imagination. I’d just like to say if you’re an atheist who doesn’t believe in anything, you’re an idiot and you need the Ayahuasca to enlighten you. Another thing i’d like to point out is that all the religions are bullshit. All the things you’be ever been told to believe in, it’s all bullshit. None of it has anything to do with God, heaven or hell. Ayahuasca is the only way of believing in what you can actually see, feel and hear. Unlike people and religion, Ayahuasca doesn’t tell you. It shows you. It makes you believe. It will take you and make a believer out of you. My shaman kept asking me “Do you now believe in the power of Ayahuasca?” I BELIEVE, I screamed. “EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO THIS. EVERYONE NEEDS THIS. HUMANITY NEEDS THIS.”

Indeed the human race would be a far better one if everyone followed in the way of the Ayahuasca. The world wouldn’t be as corrupt, dirty and confused. What pisses me off is all this time i’be been living in a bubble. As you are living in right now. There is more to life than buying something for a dollar and selling it for two. Your looks, your car, your money, your likes, your followers, your selfies, your hashtags, none of it fucking matters. It pisses me off to see that humans believe in and worry about the wrong things. We have all been brainwashed by religion, corrupted by material things, lied to and confined by our governments. Whether you believe in what I am telling you or not doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s there and that it’s the only truth. For I saw it with my own eyes. Felt it with my soul. Nothing can ever take that away from me. Nothing can ever change that. I’m not better than any of you, but I do think, feel, and see life in a different way. I can die today and I would die knowing I achieved enlightenment.

I remember I kept repeating “YOU ARE YOUR OWN GOD”. You are your own God. That’s not to say there isn’t a higher power. Your spirit will pass on after death. I don’t know to what and I don’t care. I didnt’ ask that question, because it doesn’t matter where we go. What matters is we go somewhere. Ayahuasca can answer many questions for you. But some questions need to be left unanswered. We are only human. We are not meant to know every little detail. We are meant to exist within a certain time frame in the universe and hope to find the purpose to our existence. There is good and there is evil. The people with good in their soul will pass on to something good. The people with evil within their soul will go and always belong to the underworld. The world is black and white. There is no gray area in life. You either belong to the good, or you belong to the evil. The devil is real, and he is amongst many of us roaming the universe. Like terrorist group trying to recruit individuals. Everything in life is balance. Evil must exist for good to prevail.

I followed the path of the Ayahuasca because I felt I needed it now more than ever. Many people are scared to go into the unknown. I find it strange because we will all die someday anyway. But I don’t fear death. I don’t fear anyone or anything. Not anymore. I don’t fear my demons. I don’t fear the devil. I don’t fear the bad spirits. For I am stronger and capable of overcoming them. At one point I remember seeing a demon. A scary demon who was trying to enter my mind and soul. Right then and there the jungle cat I saw in Carlos the night before came alive within me. I started roaring like a jaguar. I looked it in the face and scared it away. I’m a fucking jungle cat. I am a Jaguar. I told my shaman I wanted to go deeper into the woods, hunt and be one with jungle. Wisely, he didn’t’t let me. There were two dogs present with us. I crawled into the dirt with them and became one with their soul. What Ayahuasca does is take you to the edge between life, death and the universe. You feel more connection to the ground, the earth, the animals, God, everything.

All of a sudden I heard a loud, scary roar. The dogs immediately got up and started barking and going towards the sound. I knew that this wasnt the Ayahuasca. I asked “what is that?” to the Shaman. Be careful he said, there is a leopard near by. I thought he was fucking with me at first, but then the dogs kept barking and the shaman took out his knife. Normally any normal person would shit their pants. Right then and there the Jaguar inside me came out again. I started roaring and saying “I’ll eat that fucking Leopard alive”. I left the area and went next to the dogs to find that Leopard. Still roaring and literally got the eye of the tiger. Like a fucking savage, I was ready to fight that Leopard. I didn’t care if it killed me. He was in my territory and I was gonna do something about it. Although in hindsight, I was probably in his. It was either me or the leopard. Luckily the dogs had scared him away. It’s full of wild animals in the jungle and sometimes they come down to where the people stay to feed on the chickens and ducks that roam the surroundings. I can just imagine you right now reading this and going ‘Get the fuck out of here”. And that’s okay. Like I said, you will not believe until you are there and the power of Ayahuasca takes over your mind, body and soul. I wasn’t even sure if I should write this. Whatever though, if you get it, you get it. If not, God bless your soul.

I did speak to ‘God”. I am not gonna share what the nature of the conversations were. I just wanna point out that all my life I perceived God as a “He”. It came to me in the form of a “She”. Every time Id have a negative thought or see a demon, she would tell me to relax and concentrate on feeling the sound of her voice. I felt blessed. I always knew I was blessed, but this put whatever doubt I may ever have to bed. I asked her the questions I seek the answers to. More than giving me straight answers, she just kept assuring me. Thats all im gonna share. The rest is personal. The Ayahuasca lasted about 4,5 hours. Within that period I saw and felt demons, angels, spirits, God, the universe, our world and a fucking Leopard. I can come face to face with a fucking lion right now and i’d still not shy away from fighting it to death. I know i’d probably lose and die, but thats not the point. The point is being able to go up against that lion through the beast inside. I am a Jaguar. I am fearless. I fear nothing. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. I only fear for the people i love. I fear for their safety and well being. I will stare that animal in the face knowing I am in control of all my fears. There is a difference between being fearless and being plain stupid. I wouldn’t put myself where danger is imminent. But if that danger somehow presented itself I would fucking own it. For there is a jungle cat alive inside me. I am a jaguar. A fearless, enlightened soul that knows things far beyond what 99 percent of you know. You can live blissfully ignorant. Believing in your enforced religions, fearing your government, and run around in the same bubble. Or you can search for something far beyond your imagination. The truth and only the truth, shall set you free.

Do you ever wonder if all the secrets to the universe will be unraveled when you die? I always wondered that. Will I know what everything means? Or the why’s and the hows. I achieved that before death through Ayahuasca. I unlocked not all, but all i need to know. Everyone can and everyone needs to. Ive only done Ayahuasca once. It will take a few more times before I can comprehensively talk about it. This piece of literature is based on a first draft experience of the Ayahuasca. Yet im already mind blown. I cant wait to go even deeper and share my story with the world. My words will be the pathway that guide people into enlightenment. I no longer need stimulant drugs. (not that I wouldn’t do them once in a blue moon if the opportunity presents itself) I no longer wonder if theres a reason for our existence. I no longer fear my biggest fears. I am more in touch with the world, people, animals, universe and God than ever before. I am who I am. I am what I am. I am everything at once, and nothing at the same time. Regardless of what happens, I know that my story will continue beyond death.