The Perfect Burger

A good burger should be like good sex; Sloppy! Lately all ive been thinking about are Burgers. Big, fat, juicy, double stack, fire grilled burgers! I’ve been meaning to write a blog on how to make “the perfect burger”, but truth is it’s really hard to fuck up a burger unless you’re a complete asshole. In the next few lines i’ll share with you the perfect way to prepare, grill, and stack the ultimate burger. FYI, if you call a Big Mac or the Whopper a real burger then you my friend have no sense of taste for what real food should taste like. Now, here is my “perfect burger”, from bun to beef and all the things in between;

The Bun: This is what ultimately separates a good burger from THE greatest burger ever! Take your buns seriously. Your buns should be lightly toasted and warm. No one like a cold, flat bun. I normally put my bun on top of the meat. Wait, that sounded wrong! I place my bread on top of the beef after I turn it over on the grill. That’s better! When you’re choosing the right bread make sure to go for real bread from a bakery and not some Wonder bread supermarket brand. My favorite bun; The Pretzel bun!

The “in betweeners”: You can go for the classic lettuce, tomatoes and onions, which would taste fucking awesome of course. Or you can take it up a notch. Caramelized onions or sauteed mushrooms. I like my burger with cheeeeeeessseeeee. And not that fake ass supermarket cheese, real cheese! Pickles are a must! The tangy taste goes perfect with the setup.

The Beef: The ratio of fat to lean meat should be 80-20. 20% fat would ensure that your burger doesn’t go dry and that you dont end up with a belly after going for a second one. Nothing fancy, just salt and pepper needed before firing it up on the grill. If you are using a pan, make sure it’s hot as a motherfucker. You want color on the burger.If theres no color, theres no flavor. A perfectly rounded portion should be no less than 180 grams. If you are satisfied with a burger less than 180 grams then you have a vagina. Simple as that! I like my burger cooked medium. Anything over medium will kill all the flavor and your burger will be dry. 2-3 minutes on each side should ensure that you have the perfect temperature in the mid section. And dont ever make the mistake of pressing your burger. That will let out all the juice and you’ll be eating a plastic shoe between two buns.

The extras: The extras are what make a normal burger, a Big Daddy Burger! I usually adds all the good stuff that boosts up me protein intake. An egg, guacamole, and BA – wait for it.. BA….BACON! The number one rule of any burger- NO BURGER SHALL BE CALLED A REAL BURGER WITHOUT BACON! Okay maybe that’s a little exaggerated. But it’s true!

Burgers arent unhealthy, fast food chains are. If you make your burgers at home, youre in control of exactly what goes in them. So fire up the grill and get some fresh ingredients. You cant go wrong. You just cant!