To be Honest

Abraham Lincoln once said “The only thing you need is the truth to yourself, that’s all the honesty you’ll ever need.” I had a dream one night, a long time ago and in my dream I was in the 18th century visiting President Lincoln in the White House. I walked in and the maid told me to wait for the President in the white garden. He came outside and greeted me with a “Hello Francis”. He shook my hand and started talking to me. I can’t exactly remember all the things he said. But the last thing he said to me right before I woke up was “The only thing you need is the truth to yourself, that’s the only honesty you’ll ever need.” I woke up and right away I wrote it down in my journal. So just to be clear, Abraham Lincoln didn’t actually say that, but in my dream he said it to me. Take from it what you will. I took his words to heart and reminded myself that only if I am true and honest to myself, I can be true and honest to other people. I other words, being an honest person begins with being true to yourself.www.paykassa.com

 

So let me start by telling you some honest things i’ve learned over the last few months. I learned that saying “I love you” is such a cliche. People throw it around like a fucking frisbee. But do you actually know what it takes to love someone? Had I ever known? Do I know now? Do you? I learned that fame is not as glamorous as the whole world makes it out to be. So any of you out there who have dreams of being famous I can tell you right now that you need to get a grip of whats really important in life. I’m not gonna talk about my problems with my newly found fame. Instead i’d like to thank all the people out there who watch me, read me, know me, and love me. I am in deep gratitude of your love. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder “Why me?”. The things people say, write, send, comment, have humbled me beyond words. I wonder how I can touch someone I have never met so deeply.

Every day I learn something new. But something I am waiting to learn is; what drives me? What actually motivates me? I thought about it and it’s not money. Nor is it fame. It’s something deeper. I don’t know what it is yet but when I succeed I will tell you. Maybe it’s “Success”. Everyone has their own form and definition of success. Right now mine is probably “peace of mind”. Something I haven’t had in a while.

Truth is I just want this show to end. I am sick and tired of living my relationship on camera. I wanna leave and continue my normal life. Because I did not sign up for this. I’m an Actor. A writer.

I may be too tired to fight but i’m more scared to run. I’m yearning for the day I sit on that airplane and watch it take off far far away from here. This is a defining moment in my life. Times are hard. I’m worn out and tired. Do I roll over, give up, run away? Or do I push harder? This is what separates success from failure. This is where the strong separate themselves from the weak. This is where a man must take control of his own destiny. I must do what I have to do and finish what I started. Whatever the outcome, it doesn’t matter. For I have already won.

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17 comments

  1. As you said you have already won… But we also want and wish to see it on screen to prove your love and honesty to everyone

  2. Blogundaki bu yaziyi okumadan once gercekten senin gibi birinin neden bu tarz bi programa katildigini merak ediyordum..simdi goruyorum ki iyi ki katilmissin..cunku sen burda sadece aski degil kendini de bulmussun..insanlarin neden seni bu kadar sevdigine gelince bence tek neden “samimiyet”..sahtelik dolu bir programda tek sende olan..

  3. Dediğin gibi sen çoktan kazandın zaten. Seni seven hemde güzel seven bir kadına sahipsin. Umarım hep mutlu olursunuz mutlu olmasanız bile buna birbiriniz sebep olmasın.

  4. You do not have to prove anything to us. Just leave I mean we don’t see you long enough there anyways so just leave. I think you’ll be happier without this show. You found your love so leave and just don’t give a simple fuck what others will say.
    Their opinion doesn’t matter anyway, haters will always hate. Do what you want to do, go on with your life. Continue travelling the world just do it!

    I’ll be always by your side 🤗

  5. Bu garip ve bir çoğumuza saçma gelen TV programinin içinde tesadüfen de olsa seni tanımış olmaktan çok memnunum. Hayata senin gibi bakan insanların artmasını diliyorum inan. O zaman sahte insanların daha çok farkına varacağız sanirim. Böyle bir ortamda gerçekliği samimiyeti seyirciye geçirmek cok zordur tahmin ediyorum.
    Sen bunu basardin. Ve gerçekten – sadece aşk anlamında değil – sen kazandın. Biz de seni…

  6. Ne guzel yazmissin bu sacma dunyada insanlar ne kadar kolay asik oluyorlar ,hayir hayir kendilerini bu socukle kandiriyorlar ,ne kadar rahat agizlarindan seni seviyorum kelimesi cikiyor bu cumlenin anlamini bilmeden sadece soylemek ne kadar kolay .seni neden sevdigimizi simdi anliyorum sen o yalanlar icinde en gercek olan oldugundan olabilir mi acaba bu cumlenin anlamini agirligini yasatdugin icin olabilirmi acaba ?galiba oyle .burda buyudugun ve sevip sevildigin icin sana ve sevdigine sonduz tesekkurler .sonuc ne olursa olsun siz zaten kazanmissiniz .

  7. Eser, you are really really sincere person so everbody likes you and i think if you are not happy in Turkey, in program, you should turn back your life.We love you here, yes but at the same time we love “happy, smiley face” Eser, too.You have some troubles recently and you have to make your own decision, best decision that will make you happy.Take care of yourself, be happy

  8. ) Challenges make us grow, so smooth a life gives you no experience. Point out to a river that flows without obstacles it ends into a stagnation, but a river with obstacles in its course flows too far to its mouth benefiting everyone in its way. If you choose and decide to be hardworking, determined and persistent, and you behave positively and act courageously, luck will be on your side. KEEP SIMILE )

  9. Karakterli ve gayesi olan insanlar, samimiyetsiz ortamda bulundukları her dakika onlara işkence gibi gelir. Hayatı samimiyet,durustluk ve doğallık olan insanlar için en büyük yük yapmacık insanlarla aynı duyguyu paylaşiyor”muş ” gibi görünmektir. O yüzden de “seni seviyorum” kelimesi kimi zaman anlamını yitirir ve dusundurur. Samimiyet öyle bir şey ki ne kadar da “mış” gibi yapsalar yürekten (içten) olmadıkça tesir etmez ve hissedemeyiz biz sizi hissediyoruz bu yüzden çok seviyoruz.
    Başarı da görecelidir tıpkı güzellik gibi, kime göre, neye,göre . kazanma yolunda herşeyin mübah görüldüğü bir platformda kendinden odun vermeden kalabilmek işte aslolan (asıl) başarı odur.
    Heleki her hareketiniz taklit edilirken ,eğer birşey taklit ediliyorsa olmuş demektir, ki bu da her zaman aslını yüceltir her geçen gün yüceliyosunuz ve herhalukarda kazanan siz oldunuz ki en büyük aşkı ve sabrı kazandıniz ikimiz de çok şanslısiniz asla vazgeçmeyin çooooooook Seviliyorsunz unutmayın biraz sabır sonu selâmet olacak inanıyoruz inşaAllah çünkü sizin kalbiniz temiz ve hayatta hep iyiler daima kazanır unutmayın dualarimdasiniz…

  10. Sen cok guzel seviyorsun dans ederken bakarken bile askini sahiplenisin samimiyetin herkesten farkli ve askindan ote kisiliginle dunya gorusunle ve karakterinle sevildin ve gonulleri sen oldugun icin kazandinxx

  11. You said that you ask yourself why me ?
    Well you asked yourself but maybe I can give you an answer.
    People love you because it’s you.  Go back and read what you wrote but in an eye of a stranger. See we are those strangers who have never met you but saw your actions and listened to your words. we saw ourselves in you . Most of the people who are in to you like you because you are true . you don’t act . You don’t care . you are trying to get what you want . not what others want you to have or to be . It’s excatlyyy what we want to do but fail to do it. 
    And most important of all you are in search to find what is beyond us , you want to get lost in the truth.  That truth may be love or may be god . Nobody knows.  But the fact is that’s what we all are looking for but we are too afraid to get up and search for it . But you are a strong soul that has gotten up to show the world impossible are possible.  That’s why we love you .
    Go on strong man .
    Our souls are always there for you.
    Don’t give up and always remain the same.
    Love you
    FARNAZ

  12. WHY ME? I always wondered the same and now I kind of have an answer. I believe that people admire minds BUT loves pure hearts. Pure hearts you can feel not only through meeting, living with someone but its so deep that you might read a history about someone but you feel that that person had a pure heart even though the history you read were just telling you the opposite.

    YOU HAVE A GIFT, YOU HAVE A PURE HEART!

  13. Hey Francis, today i don’t know why i remembered you and decided to check out your blog. Just wanted to thank you for writing all your thoughts, somehow it helps to understand myself.

    I’ve been looking to your insta time to time and was wondering who is that gorgeous women beside you 🙂 even we know each other like for few hours, i was happy to see that you are happy! so no matter what keep it up with what you’re doing! Hope to see you and your girlfriend one day!

    Peace, Maria

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